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there were three blondies who went fishing .
they were fishing in closed water and were worried
that a game warden would come along and catch
them.
sure enough, along came a game warden.
the game warden said , "there is no fishing here."
one of the dumb blondies said , "we are not fishing .
"we...um...are just amusing the fish!"
they reeled in their lines, and they had magnets tied on each line.
when the game warden left, one blondie nudged the other two and said , "dumb game warden doesnt know
there are steelhead in here."
 

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Okay, you talked me into it.

This blonde brings her outboard motor in for service. It runs rough and is hard to start.

The mechanic works on it for a few minutes and the motor is purring like a kitten.

"What's the story?" she asks.

"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replies.

The blonde's jaw drops open. "Really??" she says, "and how often am I supposed to do THAT?"
 

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No more blonde jokes, ???

What gives? I have some pretty funny ones, but I'm waiting to pounce on someone else first. Its more fun. If you can't laugh at yourself, poke fun at the jokester, that is my theory and I'm sticking to it.

Really - Blonde jokes are ok, I use hair coloring.

Terre
 

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A blonde asks the store clerk, "I need some deodorant for my husband."
The clerk says, "Does he use the ball kind?"
The blonde replies, "No, he uses the under-arm kind."
 

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Two blondes rented a fishing boat, and were having a great day catching fish.
The first blonde said "This is such a great spot, we need to mark it so we can come back."
The second blonde proceeded to put a mark on the side of the boat.
The first blonde asked "What are you doing?"
The second blonde replied "Marking the spot."
The first blonde countered "But what if we don't get the same boat?"
 

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hmmmm blonde jokes I can tell here.... let me think..... this could take a min.

ok.


A blonde goes in to see her doctor about some stomach pains.... the doc runs some tests and comes back.

"Mama, I found the cause of all your pains... your pregnant"

The blondes looks at him funny, and says "are you sure it's mine?"
 

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Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
 

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rvinson said:
TTT

Need something to read that is non political!!
OK - here's some blond jokes for you....



Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes?
A: A whine cellar.

***********

One day, a blonde was pulled over by a blonde female trooper.

The trooper asked, "Can I see your license please?" Puzzled, the blonde replied, "Whats that?" The trooper replied, " It's small, plastic and has a picture of you on it."

After thinking about it for a minute, she pulled out her mirrored compact from her pusre and proudly handed it to the Trooper.

The Trooper looked in the mirror and replied, " Oh that's OK. I didn't know you were a Trooper too. You can go!"

********************

A blind man walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. He casually ask if anybody would like to hear a blond joke. The woman seated next to him says, "I'll give you the benefit of being blind and tell you that I am blond, 6'2, and one mean biker, the bartender is also blond and is a former professional wrestler, and the woman seated behind you is also blond and a marine, so, do you still want to tell that joke?"

Then blind man replies, "Not if I have to explain it three times.."

**********************

A hair dresser had been doing a middle age blonde woman’s hair for several years and the woman always came in with earphones on and instructed the hair dresser to not take them off just cut around them. The hair dresser did as told and cut around the earphones. On one trip the Blonde fell asleep and the hair dresser could not resist taking the earphones off. When the hair dresser stood back to admire her work. The blonde fell out of the chair. Everyone rushed to her side and called 911. When paramedics arrived they pronounced the blond was dead. After all the commotion was over the hair dresser picked up the head phone and placed them to her ear. There was one message that repeated over and over it said….. Breathe in Breath out Breathe, Breathe in Breath out……

****************

And then one day, for no particular reason, this blonde was out going door to door trying to earn some extra money by doing odd jobs when she knocked on a door and asked the man who answered if there was anything she could do for him.

The man, who felt sorry for her and was determined to not let the typical blonde reputation sway him, told her, "Sure. You could paint my porch for 50 bucks if you want to. There's paint and brushes in the Garage."
The blonde, thrilled with his offer cheerfully stated " Oh Thank you! I'll have it done in an hour!"

The mans wife who was listening told him after the blonde started painting, " She knows our porch goes all the way around our house right? It's gonna take her all day!" The man pleased with his bargain replied "I hope so" and resumed watching TV.

An hour later, the blonde knocked on the door and told the man when he answered, "I'm all done!" The mans surprisingly said, "The whole thing?" The blonde replied, "Yep! and I even had enough paint left over for two coats!"

"Oh, and by the way, it's an AUDI, not a Porch!"

***************

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"

************

One morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it." Her friend asks "What is it a puzzle of?" The blonde says "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box.

He then turns to her and says: "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger."

"Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

***************

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blond listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

***********

A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.

"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."

She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams and so on it goes.

The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?"

She says, "No, I'm really a blonde."

"I thought so," he says. "Your finger is broken."

***************

What do you call a brunette in between two blonds? An interpreter.

****************

Why was the blond staring at the orange juice container?

Because it said, "concentrate".

***************
How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?... Wave.

****************

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
 

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Walking Eagle said:
Okay, you talked me into it.

This blonde brings her outboard motor in for service. It runs rough and is hard to start.

The mechanic works on it for a few minutes and the motor is purring like a kitten.

"What's the story?" she asks.

"Just crap in the carburetor," the mechanic replies.

The blonde's jaw drops open. "Really??" she says, "and how often am I supposed to do THAT?"
ROFL!!!!! That's funny!
 

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Two blondes were standing by a car looking dejected, I asked what the problem was. First blonde says,

"We left the keys in the ignition all the windows are rolled up, the doors are locked and it looks like rain"

Second blonde says,

"and my husband will kill me if I don't get the convertible top up before it rains"
 
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