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At 65 degrees above zero:
People in Florida turn on the heat.

People in Montana plant gardens.

At 60 degrees above zero:
People in California shiver uncontrollably.
People in Montana sunbathe.

At 50 degrees above zero:
Italian and English cars won't start.
People in Montana drive with the windows down.

At 40 degrees above zero:
People in Georgia don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and wool hats.
People in Montana throw on a flannel shirt.

At 35 degrees above zero:
New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
People in Montana have the last cookout before it gets cold.

At 20 degrees above zero:
People in Miami all die.
People in Montana close the windows.

At zero degrees:
People in Arizona fly away to Mexico.
People in Montana get out their winter coats.

At 10 degrees below zero:
Hollywood disintegrates.
Girl Scouts in Montana are selling cookies door to door.

At 20 degrees below zero:
Washington, DC, runs out of hot air.
People in Montana let the dogs sleep indoors.

At 30 degrees below zero:
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
Montanans get upset because they can't start the snowmobile.

At 40 degrees below zero:
ALL atomic motion stops.
People in Montana start saying, "Cold enough for ya?"

At 50 degrees below zero:
Hell freezes over.
Montana public schools will open 2 hours late
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