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Discussion Starter #1
Don't worry, I'm pretty sure these wouldn't offend anyone. These are standard-type jokes in my former state of Minnesota.


Swedish Joke

Sven and Ole were trying out Ole's new camper and they took it for a ride around town. Out on the edge of town, they started to go under a railroad bridge, when Ole slammed on the brakes and stopped. Sven says, "Ole, vat did ya do dat for?"

Ole says, "You see dat sign up dere on da bridge? It says, 'Clearance 10 feet.' Dis here camper is 11 feet."

Sven looks at him disgustedly. "Ah, Ole, dere ain't no cops around. Yust give it da gas, and go!"

Finnish Joke

Timo is driving along and decides to pick up a hitchhiker.
After driving for a few miles they come to a red light.
Timo doesn't even slow down and drives right through the red light.
The hitchhiker says, "Hey, you just went through a red light!"
Timo says, "It's OK, my friend Toivo always does that."
They drive a little farther and get to another red light.
Timo goes through it again.
The hitchhiker says, "You went through another red light!"
Timo replies, "Don't worry, my friend Toivo always goes through red lights."
A little while later they approach another red traffic light,
but before they get to the light it turns green.
When he sees the green light, Timo slams on the brakes.
The hitchhiker asks, "The light is green! How come you stopped?"
Timo says, "My friend Toivo might be coming the other way!"
 

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I need to tell the Toivo joke to my wife, who always gives me grief if I slow down approaching a green light. She says, "it won't get any greener."
 

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Here are some I found. I don't know why I am helping, Finnish and Blonde I guess.

"Little Kalle was being difficult at the dining table.
And I won't eat cheese! I won't eat cheese!
It's got those disgusting holes in it.
Listen Kalle, his mother said in a shooting voice.
You don't need to eat the holes."

"What's the difference between me and a Viking?" Olli asked.
"No idea, said Ville."
"When the Vikings used to come home after their wars, that's when the real drinking began. But when I come home after a few drinks, that's when the real war begins."

Teppo went into a pizzeria and ordered a pizza.
"Do you want me to cut it into four or eight slices", the waiter asked.
"Make it four. I'm not hungry enough to eat eight slices."

Virtanen was waiting to be discharged from a mental hospital.
"Well now", the doctor said after examining the patient.
"I believe I can let you go home to your wife now".
"Do you think I'm crazy?" Virtanen responded."

A Hiker is walking along the bank of a wide, deep river trying to find a place to cross. He's been walking for several miles.
Finally the hiker sees a person on the other side?It's Heikki.
The hiker yells, "Hey mister! How can I get to the other side?"
Heikki yells back, "You're already on da udder side!"

Three construction workers, one Italian, one German and one Finn, are sitting on a beam way up, eating their lunches.
The Italian opens up his sandwich and yells "Oh No, Salami again! If I open up my lunch tomorrow and find a salami sandwich again, I'm going to jump"
The German opens up his lunch next. "Oh, Bratwurst again! If I open up my lunch tomorrow and find another bratwurst...goodbye cruel world! I'm jumping"
The Finn is the last to open up his lunch. "Ah, heck, peanut butter and jelly again!
If I get peanut butter and jelly again tomorrow..."Look out below!"
The next day the Italian finds he's got a salami sandwich again. He jumps. SPLAT.
The German discovers another bratwurst in his lunch. He jumps. SPLAT.
The Finn opens lunch and finds peanut butter and jelly - Also he jumps. SPLAT!
The three wives of the construction workers talk to another construction worker to find out what happened and get together to talk about it. All three of them are upset and crying.
The widow of the Italian man says, "I don't understand. All he had to do was tell me he didn't want salami again."
The German's widow says, "I don't understand, either. Why didn't he simply tell me he wanted something other than bratwurst?"
The Finn's widow says, "I really don't understand it! My husband always made his own sandwiches!"

Heikki is driving along and sees a sign in Toivo's yard that reads, "boat for sale".
Heikki knows Toivo doesn't own a boat so he decides to stop and ask about the sign.
Heikki says to Toivo, "Come on Toivo, you know you don't own a boat...besides that, you got the sign right between your pickup and tractor."
Toivo says, "I know that...and they're boat for sale."

(Yooper Jokes - Upper Peninsula of Michigan)
A down stater (Troll)was sitting at the bar in L'Anse and asked the bartender if he would like to hear a Finnlander joke. The bartender leaned over and said, "Do you see that guy in the corner? He is the local sheriff, and he is a Finn. The man at end of the bar works for the DNR and he is a Finn. And buddy, I myself am of Finnish descent. Now, are you sure you still want to tell a Finnlander joke?" The down stater replied, "No, not if I have to explain it three times."

Lempi took a job with Moyle Construction to paint lines on US41. The first day he painted ten miles. The boss was very impressed. The second day he painted two miles. The boss was a little disappointed. The third day he only painted 500 feet. The boss sat him down and said," Lempi, how come you paint ten miles the first day, two miles the next day, but only 500 feet today?". Lempi replied, "Well, ya see boss, each day I git farder and farder from da darn paint can".

An Italian, a Chippewa Indian and Toivo were hunting together in the Porkies and got lost. After many hours of wandering around trying to find their way back to camp, a genie appeared and said he would grant them each a wish. The Italian answered, "I wish I was back in Kingsford with my family". Poof! He was gone. The Chippewa said,"I wish I was back in Baraga with my tribe". Poof! He was gone. The genie turned to Toivo and asked him what his wish was. Toivo thought about it for a minute and said, "Boy, I really miss those guys, I wish they were back here with me".
 

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Well, no Finnish in me, I'm more of a Kraut :) but when I lived in Minnesota I used to hang out and fish and drink with a couple of totally wild Finns, so I gained some appreciation for the culture.

I think.

Actually, I sometimes marvel that I lived through it. :D
 
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